Day 17 – Currently Chewing Cauliflower

January 17, 2010 · Filed under Project · Tagged , ,

As I begin to type this post I am chewing a piece of cauliflower…OK…now it’s on to a piece of broccoli. Pantry Week is over and we went to the store today for groceries and various a sundries. One of the things we picked up was a salad for dinner. As the W dished out the plates of food I won the grand prize and got the big pieces of cauliflower and broccoli! When I asked her if she wanted the cauliflower she replied, “No. You eat it.” So I ate it. Anyway, now that we have food again it is wonderful and I am happy.

One of my tasks for the upcoming week is I have to cook dinner every night. The W put the menu together for the week. It is as follows:

  • Monday–Penne Vodka Pasta
  • Tuesday–Kimchi Jjigae (soup)
  • Wednesday–Pizza Pie
  • Thursday–Quinoa
  • Friday–Spaghetti
  • Saturday–Breakfast (eggs, hash-browns, etc.)

Not a bad list and one that I can handle. The W cooked all the meals this past week so I guess it’s only fair. One thing that is not fair is the W is forcing us to watch “Desperate Housewives” on TV tonight.

Other chores to do: cat’s litter box, trash, upstairs bathroom, dog’s vet appointment, dog’s city registration, car inspection and I am sure more along the way. It’s time to go now…I think I have broccoli stuck in teeth.

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Day 16 – Pantry Week Over!

January 16, 2010 · Filed under Project · Tagged ,

At the stroke of dinner-time last night the W declared Pantry Week officially over. A somewhat early end to Pantry Week, but I am not complaining at all. My sense is that she just did not want to eat 2 slices of bread and an onion for dinner like I was planning. Finally we decided where to go . I say “we” decided where to go because she actually let me decide where we’d go. Since she’s been talking about this one place, that’s where I assumed she wanted to go…so that’s where we went.

Of course we had to get ready and dress for dinner. I showered and got dressed. My outfit–a green Dominican Republic t-shirt to show my solidarity with the Island of Hispaniola, khaki pants, and a burgundy sweater over my t-shirt. I thought somewhat nice, but not overly or uncomfortably formal. I was all set to roll out the door when the W says, “You have to change. I don’t like what you are wearing.”

Because of this project I tell her, “Fine. But you have to go pick out what you want me to wear. Otherwise everything I pick out will be bad.” I’m mildly frustrated because 1) I didn’t think my outfit was bad. 2) I just fixed my hair and taking off the sweater would totally mess it up beyond repair. My hair is finicky and has its own issues. Trust me, I know what I am talking about here.

She comes down with a white t-shirt and 2 different sweaters. After a brief fashion show it is settled that i wear the white t-shirt and a blue sweater (one that I figured out I got in 1997 while in London. Remember my earlier post where I said I don’t ever get to get new clothes?). Finally we were ready to go, and yes my hair is in mild afro mode after taking t-shirts and sweaters on and off…and then she makes me change my shoes because my loafers were “nerdy.”

Finally we make it to dinner. A great local spot and a great end to Pantry Week. We shared a risotto appetizer, some wine, I had roasted duck for the main course, and we shared some cheesecake for dessert.  I even got a free espresso because the waitress forgot to bring it to me with the cheesecake and she had already brought us the bill. Pantry week is over–Hallelujah!–but there is still no food in the house. We need to go shopping and I can only hope that will be today.

Finally, as we were sleeping last night I got up to pee around 2 am. When I got back in the bedroom and laid back down in the bed…always the best feeling after having to get up in the middle of the night…and she all of a sudden says to me, “I can’t believe you didn’t blow your nose while you were in there.” So I get back up, out of bed and head for the bathroom one more time…

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Day 14 – Pantry Week Update

January 14, 2010 · Filed under Project · Tagged

So “Pantry Week” is shaping up to be harder on me than I remember it being in the past. For some reason ramen noodles, boxed Indian food, and tortilla shells covered in pizza sauce with cheese is just not doing it for me the way it used to. It has been extremely hard to stick to the W’s orders and only eating what we have on hand…especially when at this point in the week the good stuff (soups, yogurt, and left-overs from the week before) are all gone.

I tend to get very grumpy and have headaches when I don’t each much. I have been grumpy and have had a headache every day this week–except for today. Evening meetings every night 3 of the past 4 nights has only added fuel to the burning fire of misery. ***I have to say that I realize how lucky I am to be able to do and say these things especially in light of everything going on in Haiti right now.  My “misery” is not true misery and I write these things somewhat tongue in cheek. Please join me in praying for the Haitians***

Anyway, the W has been very gracious in her understanding of my week. She knows that I can be very stubborn and will stick to doing what she says and pantry week–even to a fault. Yesterday I about lost it. Stress at work, the animals driving me nuts, the late meetings, not eating etc. all began to take its toll. I felt weak, shaky, and even more unstable than usual. So she told me to get a sandwich out somewhere. This is a classic dilemma (do I stick to her original orders of not eating out, or her new order of getting something out?).

This was my opportunity to be briefly out of and to have relief from Pantry Week. However I didn’t want to do it. I wanted to stick to Pantry Week for better or for worse. She insisted and I relented. I picked a WaWa sub as my sustenance. Why WaWa? Because it is as close to eating out yet still suffering as I could think of in that moment. I refuse to eat at a fast-food restaurant, so my options were somewhat limited. I didn’t have time to sit down somewhere. So WaWa it was.

And I am so thankful for that crappy little turkey sandwich. It helped me get through my meeting last night. When I got home the W rewarded me again with a trip out for chicken wings and beer! A Pantry Week miracle!

I’m back in the saddle today though. Boxed Indian for lunch.

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Day 11 – Pantry Week begins

January 11, 2010 · Filed under Project · Tagged

No grocery shopping this week. We’ve done this one or twice before. The goal is to try to just stick to only eating the food we already have rather than spending money on more food. Usually we buy stuff and it stays in the pantry forever (cans of soup, boxed Indian food, etc.) and yet we continue to buy more food. So the W declared this week would be “Pantry Week.” I was not happy when this declaration was made. Pantry Week means we can only eat what is in the house for the entire week. It gets really hard usually around Thursday.

I did go to the grocery store yesterday. Usually we go together but she had a meeting and I had to go by myself. Of course, she gave me a list and I had to stick to it. During Pantry Week however, there is no food on the list. So I bought dish-washing soap, toilet paper, dog food (she’s eating better than me this week), and some other various household items, but again–no human food. I was tempted probably about 700 times to veer away from her list and pick up everything from sushi to mushrooms. I kept thinking “that looks good” or “I’d like to have that this week” and did I mention I went shopping on an empty stomach which is never good, but especially when you are trying not to buy any food.

Another rule during Pantry Week is that we do not eat out anywhere. This is usually not a problem for me and I usually don’t eat out very much at all, but during Pantry Week it really sucks knowing that the possibility of eating out isn’t even there.

By the way, last night just before bed, the W tells me she has 3 lunch meetings scheduled for this week…meaning she gets to go out to lunch 3 times while I have to scrounge around in the pantry. How convenient for her! Let me tell you, if I were not doing this project I’d be out at a nice sushi lunch right now. Instead I am doing what she says and having ramen noodles. It’s going to be a long week.

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Day 9 – Blowing Glass and a “Spice Off”

January 9, 2010 · Filed under Project · Tagged , , , , ,

Today is my birthday. I hate my birthdays and I especially hate anything done to make it a big deal. Since we’ve been dating the W has always ignored my pleas for a “do nothing special” birthday. She’s recently (although not this year, thank God) sent out emails, Facebook updates, or whatever to all (most) of my friends. This sweet sentiment results in about 500 phone calls, emails, text messages etc. 500 is an exaggeration, but you get the point. I find this extremely annoying. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for my friends and the happy birthday wishes, but I hate my birthday and just want to be left alone. Or you can mail me a card (with a check).

Recently someone gave me a gift certificate to an amazing restaurant nearby and we decided to use it last night to celebrate. This is one of those places and meals that normally would be off our radar, but thanks to the gift certificate we were able to make it happen. Appetizers of foie gras, oysters, sharing main course of duck and a filet mignon, an amazing bottle of French Pinot, followed by creme brulee all made for a perfect evening, a full belly and a birthday celebration I was pleased with. I was ready to be done celebrating at that point.

I wake up this morning on my actual birthday in a very grumpy mood. Again, I hate my birthday so no surprise. The W is trying her best to make it a good day for me, but the more she tries the more it puts me in “a grump.” One thing she arranged for me today was a glass blowing class at a local art gallery/studio. Again, a wonderful gift and gesture, but I was being my typical grumpy (and jerky) birthday self…so I told her I was not going and that we should have spent that money on a credit card payment. Not a good idea on my part. Especially for someone who is trying to do everything his wife tells him to do…even on his birthday. Eventually I realize this and apologize.

She does give me the option of not going and just staying home (my desire all along). I am very tempted to take her up on this, but she’s visibly not happy and I am sure sad/mad. Instead I do what she wanted me to do…I shower, eat an egg, have some coffee and then out the door to the studio.

It was awesome! I really enjoyed the class and look forward to picking up my bowl next week. After my class we had a “spice off” at our favorite Thai restaurant. A spice off is basically us ordering the same dish and opting for as spicy as possible seasoning. The loser is the first one to take a sip of water. Lots of laughs and a while later we decided the spice off was a draw. We both finished our plates and neither of us took a sip. All in all a great birthday! Once again I am reminded that I should be happier on January the 9th each year and more importantly–listen to my wife. She’s usually right on the money.

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Day 6 – Gleefully Folding Laundry

January 6, 2010 · Filed under Project · Tagged , ,

Now that the holidays are over and we are back to work, there is less time to be at home to do what the wife tells me to do…which is great in some ways, but a challenge to this project in other ways. Six days into my yearlong quest to do everything my wife tells me to do and it is good for me to remember why I am doing this in the first place.

That is because I love the W and am so thankful for how she cared for me for 2 weeks nonstop when my back was hurt. Seriously, she did things that were above and beyond the normal call of wifely duties. I won’t go into detail, but the help with “going pee” was awesome. So in gratitude I asked her to let me know what she wanted and I promised that whatever it was–a diamond ring, a vacation, a new sweater, or anything else–she’d get it. The other day she finally let me know what it was that she wanted. I am not sure if this is the end of her “wants” or just the beginning, that we’ll see I guess. But her request was the complete season 1 of Glee on DVD. Glee, the insanely overly dramatic cheesy song and dance show about high school was my wife’s wish. And today when I checked the mail, that wish was granted. Payment rendered.

I was tempted to write this entry in a snarky tone detailing how (even before this project began) she gets everything she wants, while I usually do not. I remind her often that my wardrobe consists of clothes that date to the 1990′s (as an example). But upon further reflection and conversation with her, I have decided not to go that route. Instead I am glad that she got Glee, a show that she really enjoys (and one that I secretly maybe even like). I am glad that I can get her something she wants and will take pleasure in. I am glad to continue to thank her for all that she did for me when I was hurt. I am glad to be reminded to the inspiration for this project.

She also told me to fold the laundry, so I am doing that today too…and I am doing it gleefully…because of being able to give her the gift of “Glee”, but also because “Rain King” by The Counting Crows just came on. I love that ****ing song!

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Day 4 – 60 Minute Man

January 5, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , ,

I was watching a rerun of the Office tonight on TBS gearing up for Pitt’s game on ESPN immediately following. Just as Michael Scott was trying to frame Toby for having pot in hope of getting him fired, and as Pam was bitching about the dirty microwave…the W turns off the TV and tells me that I have to go to the YMCA tonight. After I put away the dishes.

After the dishes are dried and put away I lace up my shoes, grab my membership card and brave the 20 degree weather and head to the YMCA. You might know that I threw my back out a few days before Christmas and was unable to stand up or even walk for a few days. I had been running anywhere from 3-4 miles on the treadmill prior to the injury. After 2 weeks of inactivity and because of “doctor’s orders” I can only walk on the treadmill at this point. No running for another week or so–take it easy.

So I’m at the Y without my iPod and it sucks. The music is horrific. The best song I heard was John Cougar Mellencamp’s “Little Pink Houses” and I don’t even like that song. Interestingly, that was the 3rd time I have heard that song in public over the last 3 days (the grocery store and the WaWa). Anyway, I programmed my Cybex International Treadmill for 60 minutes of walking. Yeah that’s right-1 hour of walking. Add that to the music and we are talking about a “kick ass” good time!

While walking and trying to tune out the cheese-ball music I realized a few things about the YMCA: I have a hard time reading a magazine and walking on a moving treadmill at the same time (Had to put the Rolling Stone down). There are a lot of really in shape people there AND there are even more not in shape people there (New Year’s resolutions?). The lady next to me was, I can only assume, interested in improving the quality of her sex life as she was reading an article in Glamour with the title “Having Multiple Orgasms.” I hope it works out for her. I also realized there the majority of the people actually do wipe down the machines after using them. And I realized that it is kind of hard to people watch (especially females) at the YMCA and not feel mildly like a lurker/creepy guy. Finally I realized that the temperature this week will remain frigid as I saw the forecast about 600 times in my hour on the treadmill.

My final stats–in 60 minutes of walking I traveled 2.45 miles, burned 261 calories and got my heart rate up to 100 which is on the border of “warmup” and “fat burn” for my age group according to my trusty Cybex machine. The Pitt game is still on and I am about to make a gin martini to try to put those 261 calories back on.

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Day 3 – The Vacation Fund

January 4, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , ,

3 days into having to do everything my wife asks me to do and for the most part it has been going OK. Nothing too much out of the ordinary, and at this point (3 of 365 days) still fun. I’ve only rolled my eyes a few times and have been annoyed only once. It happened coming home from the grocery store. We got into an argument about my supposed lack of good/honest/clear communication. It also didn’t help that I make an ill-timed joke in the middle of the disagreement about something she just said. Since we were in the car at the time there was several moments of awkwardness until we got home and I had to put away all of the groceries.

I have been doing all of the driving for trips and errands since this deal began. That isn’t too much of a departure from the status quo, but now that I have to do it if she asks–instead of me trying to argue my case that she should drive every so often–I find it similar to someone who just accepts their fate.

One thing today that surfaced as a result of this “doing what my wife tells me to do” project was I came home with an extra $135 today. $125 in checks and $10 in cash. We’ve been setting all extra money aside for an upcoming vacation, so I assumed this would be added to the stash. As I showed her the money and talked excitedly about depositing it in the savings account for vacation she took the $10 bill and said, “I am keeping this.” Later I deposited $125 into the vacation fund. Two less beers for me on vacation I guess.

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Intermission: My 2010 Calendar

January 4, 2010 · Filed under Project · Tagged ,

So after I posted about yesterday and the phone, the W and I went out to one of our regular spots-Barnes and Noble for hot tea and to read some…but also to keep what has become a funny little tradition of ours alive. We always wait until after the New Year to buy our calendar for the house. Not only are they always 50% off, but the selection at this point always kills me. It’s basically all the stuff that no one else wanted. Occasionally we find a cool one (2007 Pittsburgh Steelers! or the 2008 Monkeys), but most of them are, well let’s just say they are an odd assortment.

Of course this year I had to defer the selection of our always much used and often referred to house calendar to the W. When I reminded her of this she kind of smiled her little mischievous smile and said, “Oh yeah.” So without further ado I give you our brand new 2010 house calendar…

Women’s Wit-A Year of Wise and Witty Quotations on Women…complete with the cover quote of “Being a lady is an attitude.” To fully appreciate the feminine brilliance of this calendar, I offer the following description found on the back cover:

“The 2010 Women’s Wit calendar welcomes you int the wonderful and wacky world of women. With funny photos and pithy quotes, this calendar will remind you of the connections among women and of all we share with our girlfriends–the laughs, the advice, the companionship, the desserts! Let’s offer a toast to all the special friends who put fizz and sparkle into our lives. Cheers, ladies!”

The “funny photo” for January (and the cover!) is of 7 ladies from what looks like the 1940s all leaping into the air at the beach in those bathing suits that are as far away from a G-string bikini as you can be. They cover a lot. But the girl in the front kind of looks like Natalie Portman, which is nice for me.

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Day 2 – The Phone

January 2, 2010 · Filed under Project

Around mid-December our LAND line telephone broke. Actually it was my fault. So we’ve been without a phone for a few weeks, except for our cell phones of course. It has been amazingly nice! No telemarketers, no messages from work, no interruptions or wrong numbers. But alas we need a new phone. The W said to me this morning when I asked her if we should go look at phones, “Why don’t you make that your little project for the day.” So I did.

Off to Target I went in search of our new phone. First of all, I was blown away by the relatively small selection available. I was kind of secretly hoping for an old-school rotary phone (the kind with the wheel you have to stick your finger in to dial) but there was none of those to even consider. I was also amazed by how expensive new phones are. I seriously thought that with most everyone these days having a cell phone, LAND line phones would be relatively inexpensive. WRONG! There was one white plastic cheap-o looking phone for $5, but that was too inexpensive (cheap) and I don’t live in a dorm room anymore. Eventually I settled on one for about $45.  My lesson learned today–don’t break phones and you won’t have to replace them…as I was typing this the new phone rang. Wrong number. UGH!

Also, after lunch I asked the W to put something back in the refrigerator. She replied, “Oh, so we’ve switched roles all of a sudden.” Ha!

Chores today: dishes and the upstairs bathroom

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